December 11, 2006

(this is a letter I wrote to our dear Sunday school class back in Phoenix, thanking them for a generous check they sent us)

Dear Class,

For the past 10 months or so, my most used phrase has been, "I just don't understand, it doesn't make any sense, how could this happen?" Each detailed ultrasound, Laurelyn's life-long diagnosis in the Children's Intensive Care Unit, Dave's painful past striking out at our marriage, the daily struggle just

to make the day happen....each day asking why.
Then, just this morning I was journaling about the tangible ways God was with me in the hardest moments. To my surprise I was able to fill pages...just the right nurse, the perfect Dr. (neither I planned in advance), the gift the funeral gave to me, all the lives touched, the privilege of holding my baby for 12 hours and sharing him with others, Laurelyn's independence and safety with her diabetes, the cards and meals from those we don't even know, friends at the hospital praying and crying over me in the dark, the pictures I have, the drawing, the ability to walk away from Isaac in the hospital with a wonderful, caring stranger rocking his dearest silent body, all the ways God has strengthened our marriage, we have only been here for 1 year---and we have how many close friends?! My list could keep going...
Then, this afternoon, I found myself asking the old question again..."I just don't understand, it doesn't make any sense, how? This time though, I am very happy to say, my question was that of relief and joy, of overwhelming thankfulness. God, once again, has used other believers as his hands and feet to minister to us. I was able to share with the kids that today, God Himself, provided the money needed to cover all the medical bills and the funeral expenses. Only our God can do that!
How do we say thank you to all of you? Words are not enough. We are so proud of the testimony of the funeral, Isaac's beautiful casket, and now we can go ahead and purchase his headstone! All of these you have provided through your gift. Thank you, thank you! We are overwhelmed! thank you for teaching me a huge lesson in faith, that we don't deserve anything--but God still provides in abundance. He has shown me again the reality and goodness of our God!
Great faith must first endure great trials. (Streams in the Desert)