October and November 2006

We are learning a lot about diabetes. There is a lot to learn!

We have seen the strength of our Lord meet Laurelyn's needs as they came up. She never experienced anxiety with all the needles---4 shots a day.

She enjoyed, yes, enjoyed her hospital stay! (Now, in 2008, she still talks about how good the food was! And how her Aunt Susie spent the night with her---they stayed up till 1am to watch movies! Had a great time! She has nothing but good memories of the event!)

I got over my fear of needles very quick----we couldn't leave the hospital until we were fluent with counting carbs, knew a bunch of math equations, and of course how to give her shots.

All the while my tummy was growing larger. Our friend Debbie took over helping us find a grave site as well as a funeral home.

We picked a name. Dave chose Isaac Almon. Isaac for the hope of giving our son to the Lord, and trusting Him with the unknown future. Almon was my dear Grandfathers name. Dave is thankful for my grandpa's Godly heritage and though it would be a proud name for his boy.

Soon after we named him I was angry---I always wanted a Josiah Daniel. I was also struggling with wondering if the world was right---the baby I was carrying according to the doctors was not worth anything but a broken heart. The world told me that maybe he wasn't worth fighting for. What if this was true? Maybe God didn't even care, much less know his name. After stewing about this, the Lord kept asking me to find out for myself---look up the name in the baby book. I finally did---thought I was going crazy.

Isaac means "He Laughs"

Almon means "forsaken, abandoned, widowed"

I knew in an instant that this name was perfect. I knew that the Lord knew Isaac and his name. The Lord even knew how I was feeling---what could be a better description of this situation---forsaken, abandoned, widowed. This is what our child would bring to our life, and the Lord knew it well.

Psalm 139: 13-16

For you created my inmost being;

You knit me together in my mothers womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made, your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

Oct 2, 2006

Laurelyn is in Intensive care.

When we arrived to the hospital last night we were not alone. My dearest friend Debbie left her house after dark to meet us there. Our Sunday school leaders were also there. Dave and I were numb. They finally called us back.

The Dr. quickly came in, looked me in the eye, and started explaining that my daughter had a very serious illness and her life would never be the same. She had juvenile diabetes.

I shook, and through my tears and gritted teeth, forcibly asked her, "Tell me! Tell me I will be able to leave here with her! Tell me! I am carrying a baby boy that they tell me I will not be able to leave the hospital with. You have to tell me I will be leaving here with my Laurelyn."

Isaiah 50:10 Let him who walks in the dark, who has no light, trust in the name of the LORD and rely on his God.

October 1, 2006

12 days after Trisomy 18 diagnosis:

Today is Sunday. We are tired. We are angry. We are at the end of ourselves. We chose to stay home today from church. Laurelyn has gone from bad to worse. Why is this happening? Why would she be acting so strange? We bought her a bike, bought her a Sonic shake after sitting and eating Cinco De Mayo. She wasn't hungry, but did drink the shake.....how many times have we gone to the bathroom?

Instead of riding her bike, I found her laying across the couch sleeping in her own urine.

Something is wrong.

The phone keeps ringing. Why won't people leave us alone?!

Bedtime. Laurelyn takes a shower, then comes out, forgetting to put on her nightgown she walks out in front of Dave and I. I fall to the floor in anguish---my baby is skin and bones! Something is terribly, terribly wrong. God was going to take my son early, I knew he had the right and power to take Laurelyn from us too.

Dave rushes to the store to buy her her favorite cereal---Miniwheats and whole milk---that would fatten her up.

I decide to finally answer the phone...it is Judy Bigney. I run to the closet with the phone, away from Laurelyn as not to upset her. I weep as I tell Judy why we were not at church that morning. She asks me what symptoms exactly Laurelyn has been having. She told me it was Type 1 diabetes, that I needed to get to the hospital with her quickly.

Type 1 what? This couldn't be! Where would she get that?

I give in and call the Dr. He tells us to take her to Children's hospital. Dave is on his cell phone calling our Sunday school leader, once again crying. Judy came over to watch DJ and Dianna.

1 Kings 19:12 After the earthquake came a fire....And after the fire came a gentle whisper.